Ahead of Mother’s Day, we’re sharing interviews with Christian women who reflect on what this day means to them. Whether Mother’s Day brings joy, grief, or a mix of both, we hope these stories can be a celebration of all the mothers and mother figures in our lives.
Today, we hear from Charis—a mother of four, including twin boys—about the highs and lows of motherhood. She opens up about parenting through grief, raising a child with severe autism, and the daily dependence on Jesus that sustains her. We hope her story encourages you to keep seeking the kingdom first in the chaos and beauty of family life.
Trigger Warning: Mentions of self-harm
1. Please introduce yourself and your family!
My name is Charis. I am wife to Douglas, and mother of four children, including twins. The ages are 8 (girl), 6 (boy), and 4 (twin boys). Our whole world flipped upside down when we found out we were having twins. We had planned for three, but God had other plans. It has been the craziest four years of my life since the twins were born. It’s hard because I feel I cannot spend much quality time with each individual child, but they still have lots of fun, and the house feels very full.
The early days with the twins felt like a blur. Douglas and I tried to be as strategic as possible with four kids under the age of 4. Douglas took leave for three weeks, which was helpful. During that time, he primarily took care of the older two kids. I had sole responsibility over the twins and tried to tandem breastfeed (as opposed to one after the other) in order to synchronise their nap times so that I can have pockets of rest. I was unable to have precious 1:1 time with the twins like I did with the older two when they were newborns. Feeding, cuddles, tummy-time, and playtime were all done 2:1. Overall, I felt that I had missed out on spending individual time with all of my children as I was spread so thin.
What had surprised me most about parenting four kids was the fact that it was incredibly hard.
What had surprised me most about parenting four kids was the fact that it was incredibly hard. So much that it forced self-sufficient me to look outside for help. I would never have imagined that I would ask for help to potty train my second-born son. Potty training was a parental responsibility in my opinion—well, that all changed when I was looking after four young kids. When Douglas returned to work, I was all on my own. There was no way I could potty train a two-and-a-half-year-old and look after twins at the same time. There were times, I remember, when all four children were crying simultaneously. One would cry due to frustration about a craft, another would cry because of a toileting accident, and the twins would cry—as babies do. I didn’t know who to tend to first. There were four of them, and one of me. Oh the relief when that church friend had come several days in the week to help out with potty training. How kind and selfless of her!
2. What has been your greatest joy as a mother?
My greatest joy as a mother is to watch the children have fun, grow, and learn new things. I love teaching them and watching them acquire new skills. I love that they still let me cuddle and kiss them.
3. What has been your great challenge as a mother?
My greatest challenge as a mother has been one of the twins’ diagnosis. My boy has severe autism, and it has directly impacted all of our lives, especially me as his primary carer. It has been a lonely journey with lots of grief, despair, frustration, and hopelessness.
When R was diagnosed with autism at age 2, I was gripped with overwhelming grief. I have lost my life to being R’s carer. It was, and still is, the toughest challenge I have ever faced. R’s diagnosis has impacted every facet of our lives. The time involved with helping an additional needs child is extensive. I find it extremely challenging as R’s primary carer to balance his needs with the needs of our other three young children.
R presents with difficulties such as being nonverbal, having a restricted diet, lacking cognitive ability, lacking comprehension, underdeveloped social skills, limited fine and gross motor skills, limited play skills, and most challenging of all—self-harming behaviour. Due to hours of implementing therapy in the home and constant restraint/hand-holding to stop him from self-harm, I am often bound and unable to complete regular home duties like cooking and cleaning. I am more inclined to reject seeing family and friends or attend social activities because I am purely exhausted.
I often question the long-term sustainability of my caring role for R. Mentally, I have felt feelings of depression and burnout. I have felt hopelessness and despair because of our current situation and not wanting to carry on at the rate we are going. I have cried more than I ever have in my entire life. My other three children are also significantly impacted as my attention and care cannot be evenly shared because of R’s additional needs. After R’s diagnosis, I felt that my relationship with my children has suffered as I am not able to spend as much time with them and care for them.
4. How does knowing God the Father shape the way you parent your children?
Knowing God the Father has helped me parent our children in accordance with the Word. We have a “family mission” which is to love God and to love others. I remind our children of our family mission when they are showing and not showing love to each other. We also have a “Fruit of the Spirit Tree” for each child. I will reward each child with a sticker each time they show a fruit of the Spirit when interacting with others. I remind them that it’s not easy, and at those times it’s important to pray to Jesus for help.
I insert stories of Jesus and forgiveness that comes through his sacrifice whenever my children are finding it hard to love and forgive one another. When we discipline our children, we do it out of love and compassion. These are just a few of the things we do when we parent our children.
God has sustained me in this hardship through several truths:
(i) His power is made perfect in my weakness. Despite my incapacity to look after the hundreds of needs of all my children, God the Father is looking after them with unlimited grace, unlimited mercy, and unlimited power.
(ii) His mercies are new every day. By living each day as it comes rather than worrying about the future, I am able to carry out the task set before me by depending on His mercy for the day, sometimes for the hour, or the moment.
(iii) R is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Despite being seen by the world as “neurodivergent” or “not normal,” R has been fearfully and wonderfully made, and made with purpose.
(iv) “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me…” (Luke 9:24). As I shared before, I feel I have lost my life. But through my loss, I can save my life and experience the joy and freedom of life that He gives me.
(v) God does not withhold any good thing (Psalm 84:11). This outcome is the best outcome ordained by God… “He who did not spare his own Son… how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32).
5. Who has been a “spiritual mother” figure in your life, and what lessons did you learn from them?
The “spiritual mother” figure in my life is not any one person, but the church, the teachings that come from the Word, and other Christian mothers. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt is that there is a lot of freedom in parenting when you lift your children up to the Lord. God is their ultimate Father, and He covers over all your parenting failures. He is the one who is growing and changing them from one degree of glory to the next. Having said that, it’s important to keep praying for the salvation of your children, as no amount of good parenting can save them.
God is their ultimate Father, and He covers over all your parenting failures. He is the one who is growing and changing them from one degree of glory to the next.
One of my children, J, had a tonsillectomy recently. Recovery was an incredibly painful experience for him. We had prayed for quick healing and recovery, daily. One day, when J had noticed that he was able to swallow food without pain, he said, “Jesus was listening to your prayers and He healed me.” I was encouraged that he was trusting in Jesus.
6. What is one piece of advice that you would give to new mothers this Mother’s Day?
Try to fill your tank by spending time with Jesus amidst all the chaos. It is necessary.
Try to fill your tank by spending time with Jesus amidst all the chaos. It is necessary.
One advice I would give to a mother who is feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenting, especially one raising a child with additional needs, is to ask Jesus for humility and to really lower your expectations of yourself and of your children. In regard to the self, don’t be too hard on yourself to achieve and meet expectations of others outside of your own family. Focus on your capacity and the cup that God has given to you. Be faithful with that cup. In regard to your children, especially one with additional needs, don’t expect them to be the child that they are not. Accept them for who they are, as they have indeed been fearfully and wonderfully made, and you will be pleasantly surprised at how God will grow them.
Looking for a Mother’s Day gift?
Buy two or more tickets before Mothers Day and get the Early Bird rate! Bring your mum, your nan, your best friend (or your whole church!) and make the most of this limited-time offer.
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Enjoyed this read? Read the rest of our Mother’s Day Stories here:
“Humbling and Joyful”: Susan Blencowe on Motherhood & Faith
We’re delighted to share Susan’s story—a mother of three adult children, a long-time teacher, and a faithful member of her church community. With warmth and honesty, Susan reflects on the joys of watching her children grow into their unique God-given identities, and the challenges of learning to trust God with each new season of parenting.
A Blended Blessing: Shelley’s Reflections on Motherhood and Faith
For Shelley Taylor, motherhood came later than expected — but in ways far richer than she could have imagined. As she reflects on the journey so far, Shelley shares the joys and challenges of motherhood, the kindness of God’s timing, and the spiritual mothers who helped shape her faith along the way.
