Ahead of Father’s Day (Sunday 1st September), we’ll be sharing stories of everyday Christian fathers and how the gospel shapes their parenting. In this interview, Eugene Hor shares the joys and challenges of 24 years of fatherhood and celebrates how God has remained faithful to his children into adulthood. He also shares the difficulty of “letting go” of his adult children and how older fathers can continue to serve, lead and glorify God in their families.
- Please introduce yourself!
I’m Eugene and I’ve been married to Pauline for 29 years. We’ve got two young adult children. My daughter Ashleigh’s 22 and my son Joshua’s 24. I’m currently the pastor at GracePoint Presbyterian Church in Sydney, a church we planted in 1999.
I’m not sure if I have hobbies. Pauline always says I have many interests that come and go, from archery to model cars to remote control cars to smoking meat to crossfit. The list is endless. My current interest right now is growing superhot chili peppers and making superhot sauces with my variety of reapers, scorpions and ghost peppers.
I’m finding myself in what an older pastor once called our third season in life and ministry. In our first season we’re learners and we’re making all our mistakes. In our second season, we’re practitioners and worked out what to do because we’ve learnt from our mistakes. In our third season we’re teachers trying to work out what we can really pour into and what foundation we can leave behind for the next generation.
I think we’re in our third season of life and ministry, and with our son getting married next year and our daughter possibly the year after, we’re trying to work out how we can best serve the gospel in the coming new season.
- What has been your greatest joy and challenge as a father recently?
More recently my greatest joy as a father has been seeing both our children speak of GracePoint as their church, a church they love and want to continue serving at. They’ve approached disruption taking place in our church community with a maturity and love that I’ve been incredibly thankful for. That was always a worry for me when they were growing up, as church wasn’t always a place they wanted to be. There were seasons where church was boring, or they didn’t have peers and so didn’t want to go. But if you’re a pastor’s kid it’s not that easy bailing out on Sunday church growing up. I’m thankful it didn’t make them resentful, and I’m thankful that God kept them all these years.
I remember on our way to church one Sunday in the car when Joshua, who was in year 8 at the time, said, ‘I don’t want to go to church, it’s boring, it’s not fun.’ I remember using it as a teaching moment, asking him if he wanted to be a boy or a man one day. He said he wanted to be a man, and I remember saying to him that boys only want to have fun, but men do hard things. When things are no longer fun, they bail or run away.
Men take responsibility and do what’s good and right, even if it’s hard and boring, like Jesus. Men take responsibility and serve others, even when it’s hard and boring, like Jesus. Men take responsibility and care for others, even when it’s hard and boring, like Jesus. I told him that if all you want to do is have fun, you’ll never grow up to be a man. And church isn’t always going to be easy or fun, but we go because it’s good and right, and we go because we care and want to serve others like Jesus. I don’t know if he fully understood, but when I asked him again if he wanted to be a boy or a man, he said he wanted to be a man. That’s been a real joy for me seeing both our children do hard things when it comes to church and life, in being committed to loving and serving others like Jesus.
Church isn’t always going to be easy or fun, but we go because it’s good and right, and we go because we care and want to serve others like Jesus.
In terms of a challenge as a father, I think it’s challenging to let go as your kids get older. I’m certainly finding that hard. Pauline keeps reminding me that they’re independent young adults who will ask me for help if they need it. I still over-function as a dad and feel the need to do things for them even when help is unsolicited. Ashleigh recently said to me that she is informing me that she is going to Korea later this year for holidays, rather than asking me, as she knows what my response would be if she asked.
That’s challenging for me as I still see them as children who need my help and protection. I suspect they do, but not as dependent children, but as independent young adults. It’s challenging for me to make that shift. Part of making that shift is to recognise that I won’t always be able to be there for them as they leave home, but they will always have a heavenly Father who loves them and will care for them much more than I could ever do. I need to entrust them to his providential care and protection, and they need to look to him even more so as young adults.
- How has knowing God the perfect Father shaped the way you fathered your own children?
Knowing God as a perfect Father has shaped the way I’ve fathered my children in two ways.
Firstly, it’s recognising that I’ll never be a perfect father to my children. I’m not just finite but also flawed and sinful. I might not be the perfect Dad and I can’t always be there for them, but they’ll always have a heavenly Father who’ll be there for them, and who’ll never fail them or disappoint them. So even as a Dad I always want to point them to their heavenly Father, a father who’ll always love them and be there for them. It was my practice all through high school when we dropped them off at school or when they caught the bus, to send them a SMS with a verse from the Psalms or a bible verse to let them know I’d be praying God’s presence, promises or truth for them, reminding them that they were never alone. It was my way of saying, ‘Daddy can’t always be there with you, but your heavenly Father will always be there for you, look to him and trust him.’
Secondly, it’s given me a better understanding of what it means to be a father the way God has been a perfect Father to me in two ways. He’s been a perfect Father who has loved me unconditionally and completely in the giving of his Son for me. That’s a reminder to me that I will always be loved even when I’ve failed. He’s also been a perfect Father who has powerfully overcome the one thing that can destroy me forever in the raising up of his Son over death for me. That’s a reminder to me that I’ll always be safe even when life is uncertain.
So even as a Dad I always want to communicate those two things to them as children.
I wanted them to always know that ‘Daddy will always love you and Daddy is always here for you even when things are hard.’ Practically this meant being physically present and available. Ashleigh certainly knew that and often took advantage of that as she would sometimes call me in the middle of my work meetings, knowing I would always pick up if she called – often to ask me if I could get her Krispy Kreme donuts on the way home. My kids have always grown up knowing that I will always be present and available for them.
I might not be the perfect Dad and I can’t always be there for them, but they’ll always have a heavenly Father who’ll be there for them, and who’ll never fail them or disappoint them.
- Your children are now young adults. How can fathers of older children continue serving and leading their family for God’s glory?
I think as a father to adult children one of the ways we can continue serving and leading our families for God’s glory is to keep modelling to them the grace of the gospel in our lives and inviting them to walk with us the way we’ve walked with them growing up.
When they’re small they see it lived out in the way we serve and relate to others. As they grow into adulthood, we should be able to share more with them, and we should be able to invite them to walk with us in our personal challenges and ministry. When the kids were small, we would pray for them and instruct them. While we still pray for them and we give them unsolicited instruction as parents do, we also now share more with them, and we often seek their prayer and counsel in life and ministry. One could say that we need to see our children as partners in the gospel as they grow up.
- God has blessed you with two children who have remained faithful in the Lord. What is one piece of advice that you would give to new dads this Father’s Day?
God has been gracious, and I don’t think we’ve done anything special that has led to our children remaining faithful to the Lord. We have, however, been committed to God’s ordinary means of grace for his people.
I would say this to any new Dad: Give yourself to regular prayer for yourself and for your children. Open the Bible and regularly read the word to your children. Help them know and understand God’s promises to them in the gospel. Teach and instruct them in living out God’s truth. Make Sunday worship with God’s people a priority as a family. Don’t deny them the sacrament of baptism as they’re children of God’s covenant community. Don’t deny them the promises of the gospel in the sign and seal of baptism. Give yourself to serving God’s people at church and involve them in serving with you.
Model for your children what it means to be a father who loves unconditionally and protects, the way your Heavenly Father has been a father to you in Jesus. More than anything else, recognise that you won’t always be a perfect Dad, but your children will always have a heavenly Father who has loved them in Jesus, and who wants to and will always be there for them. Always point them to him.
