In the third installment of our Father’s Day blog series, Simon Kim shares the joys and challenges of fathering two young boys, and how becoming a father has magnified his understanding of God the Father’s love for sinners on the cross. He also shares how moments of discipline are “gospel opportunities” to model God’s love—something he learned from his own Christian father who extended grace and mercy in Simon’s moments of teenage rebellion. We hope you are encouraged by this story and testimony!
Photo: Simon, Minju and their boys Zion and Jude
Tell us a bit about yourself!
My name is Simon and I’m a Christian who has been married to Minju for 8 years and we have been blessed by God with two boys: Zion (5 years old) and Jude (10 months old). I was born and raised in Australia to Korean parents who immigrated in the 1980s. My parents began attending Saesoon Presbyterian Church when I was 8 years old and I’ve been there ever since. I am a member of the English-speaking congregation of Saesoon (New Life).
During the week, I work in procurement and contracting for a federal government department. When I have some time to myself, I tend to read (usually just current affairs these days), watch Netflix (currently Tour de France: Unchained), listen to podcasts (currently How Other Dads Dad with Hamish Blake), drink coffee, and catch-up with friends.
What are the joys and challenges of being a father to two young boys in this season of life?
Being a father to two young boys has filled me with such intense joy and also has been the most difficult season of my life. Minju and I were hesitant about having another child thrown into the mix of our family and disrupting the fragile equilibrium we felt like we deserved. But seeing how well Jude has fit into our family and especially watching Zion dote on his little brother has made us feel so blessed.
Our fears that we would be faced with the challenge of a jealous older sibling have not been realised and it has been a truly wonderful experience witnessing Zion take on the older brother role with such enthusiasm. Going through the newborn and infant stage with Jude and remembering how fast this stage goes has made me slow down and really try to cherish every moment of peak baby cuteness.
It’s also been a blessing watching how much our church community has loved on Jude and we’ve been so grateful for that. But I’ve honestly never been as physical, mentally, and emotionally drained as I am in this season of life. Like so many parents with babies, months of sleep deprivation is a tortuous nightmare that we don’t seem to be waking from. Sadly that can result in a lack of patience, grace and compassion towards my family. I lack the energy at the end of the day (after the kids are asleep) to use my time productively and wisely and so I frequently resort to empty comforts by vegging out in front of the TV.
Having young kids has also meant not being able to be as involved in the life of the church, like mid-week small groups and prayer meetings, which means I miss out on the very things at a time when I probably need it the most. I frequently find myself fighting feelings of guilt and shame because of unrealistically high expectations that I seem to have set for myself and fail to achieve in this season of life fathering two young boys. In sum: the highs are high and the lows are low, but I have absolutely no regrets.
What does being a Christian father mean to you? What makes Christian fatherhood distinct?
I’m probably not qualified to say what makes Christian fatherhood distinct. But as a Christian, what I have loved about becoming a father is the new way of understanding and experiencing the love of God. For me, the sacrifice that God made by sending his one and only Son into the world to die for sinners has taken on a new depth of meaning since becoming a father.
It’s hard for me to imagine giving over either of my sons to pain and suffering, let alone for the good of a people so utterly undeserving. If my sons are so precious to me, how much more would the Son of God have been been precious to God the Father? I’ve only had a relationship with my sons for a few years; the Father and Son have been in a pure, loving and perfect relationship since eternity past.
What kind of love does it speak of the Father that he would not allow the cup to pass from his Son, that he would send him to the cross to become sin, that he would allow him to be shamed and forsaken, for someone as undeserving as me? Being a Christian father has meant experiencing the gospel like this in new and powerful ways.
If my sons are so precious to me, how much more would the Son of God have been been precious to God the Father? I’ve only had a relationship with my sons for a few years; the Father and Son have been in a pure, loving and perfect relationship since eternity past.
Being a Christian father has also meant that I seek to approach discipline in a peculiar way. When Zion is deliberately disobeying me, I am tempted to try and simply manage the surface-level behavioural issues. I’ve read books that have helped me to navigate this space, providing me with practical tools to get Zion to listen. But as a Christian that is parenting with a gospel lens, I also remember that Zion is a sinner in need of a Saviour.
As a Christian father, I am called to help him realise this truth and moments of discipline are really moments of gospel opportunity. I fail at this all the time and it is something that I hope and pray that I am growing in because God knows I grieve and regret those moments when I’ve reacted to Zion harshly and unlovingly when faced with his sinful heart. But by the grace of God there have been moments when I believe that I’ve helped him take a step closer to understanding the grace, mercy and love of God in Christ.
Moments of discipline are really moments of gospel opportunity.
So my aim as a Christian father who is distinct from the world, in that I am seeking to raise my children in such a way that they might one day place their own trust in Jesus for salvation. I am trying to demonstrate to them what a genuine and authentic relationship with God might look like. I want them to not only grow up understanding the gospel but experiencing the gospel in real and tangible ways. I want them to know that following Christ in this world is challenging, complex and costly, but it can also be full of joy, grace and glory, and there is nothing else in life that compares with Jesus. I know I’m going to be far from perfect at achieving this aim but I’m not called to be perfect in this; I’m simply called to point my children to a perfect Saviour.
I am trying to demonstrate to them what a genuine and authentic relationship with God might look like. I want them to not only grow up understanding the gospel but experiencing the gospel in real and tangible ways.
What does discipleship look like in the home for your family? How have you seen God at work in your children so far?
To be honest, this is something that I’m still figuring out. It’s also challenging because discipleship looks different at different stages of life, especially with children who grow and change quickly in the early years. Whilst I consider discipling my children to be my primary role as a Christian father, I’m also relying on my church community to be a part of that discipleship.
What my wife and I seek to do in the home is display to our children what an authentic life of following Christ looks like. A key part of that is reading our Bibles and praying to God. We also spend most nights reading a kids Bible and praying with Zion before bed. Zion has always loved reading and so we also have a range of Christian books that we like to read to him (currently The Ology: Ancient Truths, Ever New by Marty Machowski). We also like to open our home to people from our church community so that our children can learn hospitality organically and be around other Christians (who are not their parents). We have a lot of conversations with Zion about matters of faith and we make sure that we take the time to answer as honestly and sincerely as possible as we remember that he might not always be so curious in the future. Both Zion and Jude were baptised recently which was a great opportunity for us to explain to Zion what this ordinance was and the meaning behind it.
Whilst I personally think that Zion is still too young to make his own decision to place his trust in Christ, we have definitely seen God at work in his life through the various ways that we are bringing him up in the Lord. We sometimes ask him when people are over for dinner whether he would like to pray before we eat and when he does my wife and I are always so blessed to hear the words of a child’s pure prayer to God. When he knows that someone he loves is sick, he remembers to pray to God for them before he sleeps.
It’s clear to us that he has a desire to know God through reading the Bible – there are so many other books that he could read but he’s insisted on having us read his kids Bible multiple times. Just the other night he told me that he shared about Jesus to his best friend in preschool (and also commented that whilst people might know Jesus, not all believe in him). I can only hope and pray that God would continue to work in both Zion and Jude as Minju and I do our best to raise them in the Lord.
Who has been a “spiritual Dad” figure in your life, and what lessons did you learn from him?
My earthly dad has been the closest thing to a “spiritual Dad” figure in my life. Even though there were linguistic and cultural challenges in our relationship (as the child of most immigrants will tell you), there were key moments embedded in my memory that shaped the person that I am today. When I was in primary school, my parents had a renewal of faith and they became very active in the life of the church. While I didn’t understand a lot of how my own dad related to God, I could at least see that he did have his own personal relationship with God and learned that it was possible for me to have one too. I also learned from a young age the importance of the local church in the life of a believer and to take seriously what it means to love and serve the church, as my dad humbly did for years.
I remember when I was caught committing a misdemeanour in my high school years, I was afraid of how my dad was going to respond when he found out. When he came home that day, to my complete surprise, instead of dispensing the punishment I undoubtedly deserved, he apologised to me for not being there enough as a dad. I remember weeping in front of him at this act of mercy shown towards me and the humility of co-bearing the responsibility of my wrongdoing. I learned through that experience what the gospel looked like in action and it has stayed with me.
In my university days, I was attending church every Sunday but I wasn’t a Christian. Since I was still living under my parents’ roof, I told my dad that I didn’t want to attend church anymore. I told him that if he forced me then I was afraid that I would grow to resent and hate him for it. To my surprise, he still insisted that I go because he knew that if I stopped attending church then I would miss out on regularly hearing the gospel explicitly preached at church on Sundays. He considered that was more important than anything else and risked the resentful hatred of his only son because he believed in the power of the gospel to save. (Soon after this heated conversation I experienced a renewal of faith of my own.) I learned from my dad that as important familial relationships were, my eternal spiritual relationship with my Heavenly Father was more important, and that having access to regular gospel preaching and teaching was critical for one to come to faith.
I’m still in the process of absorbing and applying these lessons in my own life and relationship with my children. If my boys grow up and are able to say, just like I am, that their earthly father was also their “spiritual Dad” figure then I know that by the grace of God I’ve done something right as a Christian father.
I learned from my dad that as important familial relationships were, my eternal spiritual relationship with my Heavenly Father was more important.
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On Persevering to Prioritise God as a New Dad: Nathan Luk
Nathan shares the joys of parenting a newborn, facing new temptations to ‘over-provide’ and make financial security an idol, and how knowing God the Father brings peace in the unknowns of parenting. He also shares the gospel convictions that have encouraged his family to persevere in prioritising God and His people as new parents. Read it here.
On the Value and Cost of Raising Sons who Love Jesus: Carlos Aguilera
Carlos shares the incredible value and cost of raising sons who love Jesus, both as a father and mentor to younger men. He shares how knowing God shapes his parenting decisions and as well as the lessons he’s learned from older male mentors. Read it here.
On Losing and Missing a Child this Father’s Day: Brendan Samuels
Brendan shares a father’s perspective on infertility, IVF, and the grief of losing three children. He also shares how he has found peace in God in grief, and tips on how we can love Dads who have lost a child this Father’s Day. Read it here.
