In the second installment of our Father’s Day blog series, Carlos Aguilera shares the incredible value and cost of raising sons who love Jesus, both as a father and mentor to younger men. He shares how knowing God shapes his parenting decisions and as well as the lessons he’s learned from older male mentors. We hope you are encouraged by his story!
Carlos and Merran with their boys Ari and August
Tell us a bit about yourself!
My name is Carlos Aguilera. I’m 42 and the (lucky) husband of Merran, and dad of Ari (7) and August (5). During the week you will find me:
- Running two businesses: Chillibean Media and Shopnate, two businesses that are helping to raise millions for charities in Australia and around the world and generating greater impact for nonprofits.
- Leading a Tuesday night bible study with my wife Merran.
- Sipping ice lattes with people I work with, clients and friends.
- Coaching Ari’s soccer team.
- Serving in Church as a worship leader
- Spending as much family time as I can.
You are a Boy Dad to two young boys! What have been the joys and challenges of being a father in your season of life?
Yes, I am a Boy Dad! Being a dad to two amazing and very unique boys is such a joy, my life’s greatest honour and an incredible challenge. When Ari was born, I made him a promise that I would do everything I can to be there for him as much as I possibly can. I made August the same promise the day he was born.
I have intentionally set up my life and run my businesses in a way that allows me to do every school drop off and every school pick up. I intentionally spend between 3:30pm and 5:30pm each day with my two boys before Merran comes home from work, and they get to dictate what activities we do. These moments are one of my biggest sources of joy and I’m blessed to live out these moments every day.
In this season of life, it is a juggle and a huge challenge to accommodate everything that needs to be done each day. To give my boys the time of day requires me to win extra hours from somewhere. This means to run my businesses, I sometimes need to get up early to work or pull all-nighters. I get one shot at being the best dad I can possibly be, and the cost of doing so each day is enormous. But because the cost of securing eternal life is enormous, the effort has to be also.
I get one shot at being the best dad I can possibly be, and the cost of doing so each day is enormous. But because the cost of securing eternal life is enormous, the effort has to be also.
How does knowing God the Father shape the way you parent your boys?
Knowing God shapes who I am as a dad in every way. Firstly, my commitment to my boys comes from knowing a God who is always present and attentive to me. As my heavenly father, God is always there, always present and always attentive.
In this day and age when so much of culture and society is centred on the ‘self’ and working on personal issues apart from outside influence – God has made me understand the need for guidance, vigilance, steadfast love, steadfast relationships, good communication and good role models. This is why I decided to take on the role of Ari’s soccer coach this year. I felt the desire to get to know his friends and for his friends to know Ari’s dad. I want the team to have a connection with an older male that loves Jesus and Ari, so that hopefully they can know they are loved because Jesus loves them.
Secondly, knowing God the Father drives me to show my boys the love they need. I was loved when I was an enemy. That’s massive. As a dad, I strive to figure out how to show them love individually and together in the ways they need to be shown love. Thanks to scripture, I have formed a way of lovingly correcting my sons that hopefully demonstrates grace, mercy and love, yet in a way that demands a standard.
In practice, I strive to take it easy on Ari and August, yet try to teach them that while knowing Jesus is life’s greatest joy, it will demand everything. God asked His one and only Son to be obedient in the most significant, yet impossible way. I remind Ari and August almost daily that whilst I might ask them to show manners and kindness, God will one day call them to something even bigger than that. And I trust that I am helping them to answer that calling in a way that will honour Jesus and bring Him all the glory.
Thirdly, one of the things I am most passionate about is loving my neighbour. I find it an incredible honour to get to love people like Jesus. Finding practical ways to do this with my boys is so important – and only so because I know God. Together we give food to the homeless, we look after the environment, care for wildlife and all creatures…and it’s fun and rewarding to do so.
I remind Ari and August almost daily that whilst I might ask them to show manners and kindness, God will one day call them to something even bigger than that. And I trust that I am helping them to answer that calling in a way that will honour Jesus and bring Him all the glory.
Who has been an influential “Dad” figure in your life, and what lessons did you learn from him?
The man that has influenced me the most is my dear friend Eric Burton. Eric is a mentor to me and to so many. Eric is so wise and has followed Jesus for a long time. Eric is a giant of a man – yet walks on earth so lightly. His faith in Jesus is incredible. Eric is not perfect, admits his faults, yet is such a great husband to Lynda and a wonderful dad to his adult kids. Eric has influenced me to know how loved I am by God – something I continue to learn. He has made me understand the great honour that men have to be influential over their families and children, and he has made me understand just how important and valuable it is to be a dad.
What is one piece of advice you would give to new Dads this Father’s Day?
Live with the fear that you, today, are shaping the memories your children will have of you when you’re no longer around. Take every shot you have to create memories in the hearts of your children that leave a smile and gratitude for knowing you, and for having had you as their dad.
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On Persevering to Prioritise God as a New Dad: Nathan Luk
Nathan shares the joys of parenting a newborn, facing new temptations to ‘over-provide’ and make financial security an idol, and how knowing God the Father brings peace in the unknowns of parenting. He also shares the gospel convictions that have encouraged his family to persevere in prioritising God and His people as new parents. Read it here.
On Fathering with Grace, Authenticity and Loving Discipline: Simon Kim
Simon Kim shares how becoming a father has magnified his understanding of God the Father’s love for sinners, and that moments of discipline are “gospel opportunities” to model God’s love—something he learned from his own Christian father. Read it here.
On Losing and Missing a Child this Father’s Day: Brendan Samuels
Brendan shares a father’s perspective on infertility, IVF, and the grief of losing three children. He also shares how he has found peace in God in grief, and tips on how we can love Dads who have lost a child this Father’s Day. Read it here.
